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  • Mindful Masturbation for Young Boys

    Discussion in 'Complementary Resources and Perspectives' started by korkelz, Dec 12, 2018.

    1. korkelz

      korkelz Active Member

      I may edit this article further. To read the last version, read from Google Docs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fFO-QaWesKPwPPKvnzE6FeV6GD2oMkQW0gpHtR1oZSQ/edit?usp=sharing

      Mindful Masturbation for Young Boys


      I am mostly writing to parents who have sons, but I strongly feel anyone could benefit from hearing what I have to say about masturbation.

      ABOUT ME

      I am currently 30 years old, but it is only in the last few months that I have come to truly love my masculinity. I have been on a nine-year journey of internal inquiry and self-discovery which culminated recently to my decision to stop mastubating completely. For some time now, I have been able to relax and invite pleasure with a prayerful mindfulness. I recently crossed a threshold where not masturbating is much more pleasurable and gratifying than actually masturbating. Sometimes the pleasure feels like comforting hugs that manifested in times of loneliness, fear or agitation. Other times the pleasure is sexual.


      As a young boy I had many fantastical erotic dreams. I imagined that sex would be as good or better than the dream world. Sex occupied a lot of my thoughts. But my sexual experience with a partner was a very big let down.

      The world we live in and the media we consume have created huge and unrealistic expectations for love and the level of sexual fulfillment we each deserve. I went into my first serious relationship with expectations that could only lead to disappointment.

      Not everyone will experience this intense disappointment, but I wish that young men would be counseled better in sexual matters.

      I would like to offer some ideas. Each of these ideas is related through the common theme of what I call “mindful masturbation.” I believe that mindful masturbation can set young men up for success. By their teens, they could develop a deep connection and respect for their bodies and their masculinity and an innate sensitivity to the opposite sex. By their early twenties, they may experience a more sensational and fulfilling sex.

      Here’s what I wish I had been told when I was young:

      • Try not to masturbate. Enjoy the struggle of being horny, having throbbing erections. Enjoy the battle of resisting the urge to ejaculate. Enjoy the challenge of trying to fall asleep with a hard-on. Not masturbating for a while will inevitably cause aching in testicles. Enjoy the ache. Allow yourself to fall asleep into an explosive wet dream. You can expect a couple of benefits: experience greater pleasure and with less physical touch. You effectively save direct stimulation for partnered sex so that it becomes more exciting, arousing, and sensational.

      • If you get to your arousal limit and need relief, masturbate slowly, carefully, love your cock, appreciate the pleasure and the gift of cum that it bestows. Go over the edge slowly. Give attention to every sensation. With great attention, the smallest sensation becomes the biggest sensation. There will of course be times that you desire to be aggressive. Just be mindful and love your desire to be aggressive as well. The goal is to increase the days between masturbatory ejaculation by increasing capacity for arousal.

      • Enjoy erotic dreams as enlivening, inspirational, memorable experiences. In other words, do not dismiss them as flukes or simply as something that happens if you don't masturbate. Erotic dreams are important and beautiful expressions of your sexuality. If you can, let wet dreams be your main source of relief. The point here is to get used to ejaculating without physical touch. I have not yet experienced this but it seems I'm getting to a place where ejaculating could happen without touch while awake. The other point here is to let your body be self-regulating, where it relieves itself through orgasm when arousal builds to climactic levels. This allows for an intense and fulfilling experience of orgasm.

      Eventually you will get to a point where you totally transmute arousal into pleasure rather than into masturbation. You are able to experience pleasure and orgasms without physical touch. It doesn’t happen overnight! It took me 9 years to stop masturrbating, but it is a fun and worthy journey.

      There was one time my balls ached to the point I had to use ice (it helped a little). The arousal was intense and accompanied gratifying sensations. Don’t worry, this level of dedication is not required! By the way, icing testicles (and cold showers) supports testosterone and sperm production, so don’t worry about that. Take as many cold showers as you want, you’re only making it worse (or better?).


      There is so much more I could say about the beauty of what is possible. Let me explain one more point. The most amazing discovery I made is that, with mindfulness, you can never do it wrong. There is no punishment for doing something wrong, only love. For example, let’s say my goal is to last a week without ejaculating and I end up only getting through 3 days. I would say in my mind “sorry, I really tried! I couldn’t make it.” and then I would receive a big hug of pleasure. Underlying that is a message of: “You’re doing well, try again!”

      Maybe a sorrowful attitude is a turn off for you. You might prefer a more excited tone “Dang! I couldn’t hold it. It was just feeling too good!”. It’s your relationship with your body and higher power, it’s whatever feels good for you. Another possibility is to ask to be hugged and comforted with pleasure so that you no longer feel the need to masturbate and so you can last a few more days (or hours... or… minutes...).

      You could even apply this idea to meditation practices. “Sorry my mind drifted! I couldn’t resist, it was such a interesting thought!” or “This thought is really bothering me, it makes me angry.” I’ve received powerful “pleasure hugs” to help comfort me, wash away negativity, and re-focus.

      - Elan Hickler
    2. Adam

      Adam New Member

      Regarding "The point here is to get used to ejaculating without physical touch.":

      I was once sitting in a hot tub and letting a stream of water coming out of a jet run on my genitals. It felt good, but it not enough stimulation to create an orgasm. But then I engaged in a sexual fantasy that became very real. After a while I did in fact have an ejaculatory orgasm. This was without any touch other than the mild water stream. This experience suggests that there is a mental aspect to having an ejaculation.

      Just a thought.
    3. korkelz

      korkelz Active Member

      Adam, you are right. There is a mental aspect. Mental stimulation is just one of many forms of stimulation. Physical, mental, visual, taste, warmth, skin caressing, any kind of stimulation adds to your total, and once the threshold is reached, you ejaculate. Also, lowering the threshold by increasing your sensitivity is another factor.

      I'm getting hints from my body that I might ejaculate hands free just out of pure arousal, no sexual fantasy or physical stimulation required. That's my goal. If my predictions are right, once I become used to ejaculating out of pure arousal, I could take it one step further and play a fun game of resisting ejaculation. That would allow for even more arousal to build. Once I lose the battle, the resulting orgasm would be insane.
    4. Time

      Time Active Member

      Good post, I agree with everything, although I don't know if any teenage boy is ever going to hear this advice. Personally reading this makes me a bit sad due to remembering how much joy I've had with high arousal and erotic dreams in the past, whereas now I rarely feel aroused and erotic dream never happens. I wish I could go back to this state of heightened arousal, life was more enjoyable that way. Seems like my body got used to not masturbating, to the point of it not affecting me anymore (except for the occasional wet dream). Maybe it's like using drugs, eventually the brain builds up a tolerance to it?

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